Cooter, as told by Billy Bob


Verified Member
Aug 15, 2013
monett missouri
I was borned in Witt's Springs, arkansas. My runin mate Cooter was razed up on a farm outside a town. Foks bin astin me why townies call his place haf-Witt's farm. Wel

Wen he was in the 3ird grade, 11, 12 year old, thereabouts, he robbed 3 likker stores. Ey got speeshus wen he started shoin' up at skul drunk. Ey dint do nuthin tho, sides tellin him hes a bad boy and pepermint shnaps would rot his brane.

Cooters pa put a billard table in da barn and Cooterd hit em bals round neerly bout ever day. I tryd heer an ere ta hit em widdim but I culdnt get em in em hole things ey got. I wil tel ya dis he dam shur culd

Round bout this time, his Pa got kilt in a brush hog insi dent... you dont EVEN want detales. His Ma rite away run off wit a travlin revival preacher. At ere sourd Cooter on religion, but we never thot he's gonna be watchacalit de vout ennyhow.

They kep tryin ta put Cooter in sum stat deal fer orfuns, but he got luce n run off so meny times they finly give up. Cooter went to runin' the farm, wich I gotta say, he done betern his pa.

Strate off he put haf the hogs in a open traler and halled 'em 20 mile or so ta market in Marshal, pullin the traler down syd a rode with Pas trractor. He tuk some a the muney and bot 3-4 ful slabs a bacon wich, about all he ate was baked chikken cuz he cudnt figger out fryd an bacon samiches with blakstrap mulassas.

I ast Cooter why he's buyin bacon when he had all em hogs an he said dey hadda be prossessd

I ast him ifn he new whut prossessd ment and he said not zackly but he new them storeys hed hurd bout whut ey do ta em pore hogs hadda be bulshit. Nobodyd do at, smart and frenly as hogs was

I ast him whut bout all em chikken neks I seen him ring, and he sed ats diffurnt, chikkens is dummern manure and not frenly neethur

He wuz rite bout 1 thing: em hogs was smart. Hed get inna pen and tell 1 ta stan up shur nuf it wud rite up on em hine legs. En hed tell nuther rolover, and shur nuf.

He kep tryina get me ta cum inna pen widdim but I sed no way. Em pigs mite be smart and frenly, but ey get hungry nuf, ey eat ennything moves.

Wel, sad ta say, Cooter dis apeerd. Foks sed difurnt idees ware he wwnt, but Im purdy shur I no. May be iffn he buchered his own hogs he wunt got so dam frenly wittem.

But it anint been two yeer ago I seen sum feler on my TV hitten em bals wit nuther feler on wunna em tabls an he shur nuf favrd Cooter. Rekken it wunt him tho cuz I think I heerd em cal dis ere feller Perl.

Haf Witt's farm got finly bot frum the state by sum backeast lady wanned ta gro hemp fur biafuel she clamed. The judge thot she had sumpin else in mind and sent her ta da poky.

ennyway, I'm sayin she dun a good job carrion on da farms name.

Cooter, ifn yur in heven wich I dout I hop they leest letcha bring summa yur hogs. An if yur stil hittin em billards tak care I heerd em things culd mak ya goofy

Yur fren Billy Bob
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